4 Unfortunate Ways Modern Society Is Failing Mothers

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I don’t know about you, but I feel like our uber-modern 21st century society doesn’t have a clue how to support the very beings that keep the population going. While mothers have been mothering since the beginning of time, modern-day society is failing mothers in a plethora of ways. In this article, I’m laying out the top 4 ways modern society is failing mothers. By the end of this article, you should feel validated in all of your feelings of exhaustion, frustration and overwhelm on your mama journey. There’s a reason you feel the way you do.

Here’s what we’re diving into today:

4 Ways Modern Society Is Failing Mothers
Where Do We Go From Here?

4 Ways Modern Society Is Failing Mothers

Failure To Support

The #1 way in which modern society is failing mothers is the obvious lack of support.

“It takes a village.” How many times have you heard that saying? Personally, I get really upset whenever this simple sentence is so loosely thrown around. We know it takes a whole lot of people to raise a child, yet where is that elusive village? What does that look like in modern-day terms?

Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m still waiting on that village to show up, and we are almost 18 months into this journey. I basically had to create my own village. They didn’t come running to my side. Creating a support village when you are a new mom is no easy fete, but I’ll be writing a how-to guide on that very topic at a later time.

Modern society is gravely falling short to support mothers. I am so thankful I did not deliver my baby in America. I’ve heard more than a handful of horror stories in terms of birthing in America. Australia was home to us when I delivered my nugget, and even with the resources and large amount of support I received there, I felt overwhelmed. I can only imagine what that journey would have been had we delivered in America.

We are so, so far behind in American in terms of paid maternity leave. According to this article, the US is the only rich nation that does not provide federally mandated maternity leave. While there are a few states that have passed laws that provide some paid leave, the nation, as a whole, does not mandate any form of paid leave. As of May 2023, SEVEN countries in the world do not provide any federally mandated, paid maternity leave. SEVEN. America is among those seven nations.

That fact alone makes me sick to my stomach. We left America when we wanted to begin a family because of the lack of postnatal support. We knew there would be little chance of us surviving financially while also raising babies in the way we intended, with me at home with them for as long as possible.

I am so sorry for all the mamas who went back to work before they were mentally, emotionally, and physically ready to do so. It’s unfair. It’s so, so unfair.

Lack Of Resources

Modern-day society is also failing mothers by not providing sufficient resources after giving birth.

As mentioned previously, I did not give birth in America. Thank goodness. In Australia, I had an abundance of resources at my fingertips after giving birth.

Straight away, I was assigned a maternal health nurse who came to the apartment to do the first week check-in on baby and mama. After that visit, because of covid, we were required to go to the clinic ourselves for check-ups and weigh-ins. We went very often in the first year of our son’s life. The nurse didn’t only check on Isaiah’s well-being, but also on my own state of mind. She offered advice and support along the way.

That same maternal health nurse led a mom’s group of mamas who had given birth in the same time frame. We met weekly for a couple of months and discussed all things mamahood. After those sessions ended, we divided into smaller play groups and met weekly. I was plugged into a mama community straight away. I created friendships in that group that sustained me during those early months and am still friends with those mamas to this day.

In Australia, I also had lactation consultants at my fingertips. I met with a certified lactation consultant just to make sure I was doing things correctly and to check if there was anything we could improve upon. I was a new mom, and I needed all the support I could get.

Granted, I didn’t give birth in America, but from what I hear from other mamas, the resources in America are sorely lacking. I’m so sorry for that, and it’s just so unthinkable that in 2023, we have access to such few resources that we NEED after birth. And I’m sure the resources are there, but they are not available to the average mama. They probably come at a high monetary price, a price most mothers can’t afford.

Unrealistic Bounce Back Culture

Society is sorely failing mothers when it comes to postpartum care and expectations to get on with things before we are physically, mentally, and emotionally ready.

One of the things that makes me laugh and laugh and laugh is the ridiculous idea of going in for a 6-week postpartum check-up and having a discussion about birth control. I’m sorry, what??

Honey, at 6 weeks postpartum, I could still barely sit down without the assistance of a mountain of pillows. I tore during the birth, and at 6-weeks postpartum, I was still a MESS. Yet, even in Australia, I was given the “all clear” status at my 6-week check-up. All clear for what? All clear that I was going to survive?

The midwife had the AUDACITY to discuss birth control options with me. Ma’am, excuse me, but no one is going even remotely close to those areas of my body for a very, very long time, thank-you very much.

The idea that my body would just kind of bounce back at the speed of lightning was laughable. Why is it that after one of the most traumatic physical events a woman will ever go through in her life, we are given a couple of check ups, and then told, “Ok, honey. You can have sex now, but use protection.” Our physical, emotional, and mental health are the least of their worries. My eyes cross at the insanity of it all.

How many check-ups does the infant receive after being born? A lot.

How many check-ups does the new mom receive after pushing an entire human out of her vagina or having a human cut out of her body? Not nearly enough. One? Two?

How is it, that in 2023, after all of the scientific advances we’ve seen, we still SUCK at postpartum care and support? And how is it that we are sooooo disconnected from the mother and her needs after giving birth? It’s beyond me.

Forcing Mothers To Ignore Her Nurturing Instincts

Society is so out of tune with the natural, biological process of mothering. This is the fourth way modern society fails mothers.

Mothers are biologically wired to be nurturing, loving beings. In our society, however, it seems as though we are told to ignore our biological instincts and force our babies to be independent before mother and baby are ready. That silly notion is connected to the fact that mothers are expected to go back to work so shortly after giving birth.

You don’t have time to nurture your baby. You’ve got to get on with things so you can get back to work because you probably don’t have the luxury of a long chunk of paid maternity leave, and you likely can’t afford to take unpaid leave. We are so insanely out of touch.

I know there is a lot of controversy in this area, but mothers are told from the start that they need to create distance between themselves and their teeny, tiny new human. You wouldn’t want that baby to be too needy, right?

I could throw up when I think about that. Mamas are biologically wired to be close to their baby. Babies are wired to be on their mother 24/7 when they are first born. In fact, babies don’t even know they are a separate being until they are about 6-9 months old. But you go over there, baby. We wouldn’t want you to become spoiled or be too clingy.

It’s ridiculous. Creating the belief that babies need to be separate from their mother and create their own independence from the moment they are born is just sickening, and I believe it’s doing mothers a huge disservice. Instead of supporting new mothers so they can actually nurture their new human, we are being fed lies that make us believe we are supposed to create distance between ourselves and our babies.

Mama. Listen to me. Hold your baby. All day. All night. Ignore the insane advice of our messed up, out of touch society. Babies need their mommy, and that is totally normal, ok, and healthy. By ignoring your own instincts that tell you to procect and nurture your baby, you are teaching yourself that your own instincts should not be trusted.

Your instincts SHOULD be trusted. Don’t listen to the dumb voices around you. Follow your heart. You nurture that baby as much as you want. There is no such thing as too much love and nurturing.

Where Do We Go From Here?

So where do we go from here? How do we do better? How do we change things?

Well, sadly, we probably aren’t going to change an entire broken system overnight. In fact, we may never fix it.

However, we can make a great impact on a smaller scale by educating ourselves, our mama friends, and anyone else who feels like things are just not right but maybe don’t know exactly what’s off in our society.

Not everyone will be on board with going against the norms set by society. Society is persuasive. When certain systems and rules have been established and followed for a long time, it’s not so easy to share ideas that go against the grain. People might not want to hear it.

Before I became a mom, I didn’t even think about these topics.

After I became a mom, everything changed.

I noticed that a lot of the current mothering advice just felt super off to me. It’s as though we have robotized the entire birthing and mothering process. It seems like we are advancing in so many other areas, but in terms of motherhood, we are drifting further and further away from what is biologically normal and healthy.

I long for the days when nurturing both mother and baby will be the norm. Some countries are doing this so well. Sadly, America has a lot of room to grow.

Little by little, as we discuss these topics and challenge the current norms of society, I do believe we can change the trajectory of the motherhood experience in our country.

I’d love to hear about your motherhood experience. What was your postpartum journey? Did you feel supported? Did you feel like your needs were addressed? Where could there have been improvement? Let me know in the comments below.