I’ve had a lot of hard jobs in my life, but being a mom has stretched the mental capacity of my brain in ways I’ve never experienced. Don’t get me wrong, I love my angel boy, but I can’t deny that it’s also one of the hardest things I’ve done. It does us no favors to pretend everything is ok. In this article, I’m going to get real with you, and I’m going to offer you 5 tips for navigating the mental load of motherhood.
- No One Prepared Me For This
- 2.2 Billion Moms…And Still So Lonely
- 5 Tips For Navigating The Mental Load Of Motherhood
- A Hug
No One Prepared Me For This
Raise your hand if you felt 100% prepared for motherhood.
Not me. Not the slightest.
Sure, I had diapers, onsies, nipple cream, baby butt cream. Baby goods were fully stocked.
Before I gave birth, all the focus was put on birth and preparing for baby. Yes, it’s important to be well prepared in those areas. But what about preparing for the mental transition that moms are about to slam into?
There was no mention at all in my prenatal class about navigating the mental load of motherhood. No one told me my life was going to blow up in ways I couldn’t imagine. Who I was as a human was going to die when my baby was born. And I was clueless.
2.2 Billion Moms…And Still So Lonely
Did you know there are 2.2 billion moms in the world? I didn’t either. I Googled it just now.
If there are so many moms in every corner of the globe, navigating the insanely life altering transition to motherhood, why the heck are we not more prepared?
After I became a mom, I felt completely alone in the transition. From my point of view, everyone else was nailing this mom stuff, and looking good while doing it. I, on the other hand, felt like a ragged cat two steps from collapsing into a drain.
I attended a postpartum moms group for the first 3 months after giving birth, and even there, we never really discussed our struggles. The leader of that group educated us about things like making sensory baskets for our baby. I didn’t need a sensory basket. I needed A HUG and permission to cry and get ruthlessly real about how much I was struggling mentally.
Where are those mom’s groups? I want to be in that mom’s group.
In a world full of 2.2 billion moms, why does this all feel so lonely?
5 Tips For Navigating The Mental Load Of Motherhood
I can’t change the challenging aspect of the motherhood journey for anyone, but I can acknowledge and validate all of the hard feelings you might have experienced or are currently experiencing on this roller coaster. The feelings and mental slide are real.
Here are some things that have helped me in navigating the mental load of motherhood.
Acknowledge The Pain
Acknowledging the pain of the transition is vital. Pushing feelings away only pushes them down, and they will come up…eventually. I promise you that. But they will only come up after they’ve had time to fester and grow mold, resulting in a pretty messy blow up down the road.
Validate the struggle inside your brain and make space to feel it. Cry. Get mad. Punch a pillow. Journal. Get those feelings out.
Release the feelings often. This is not a one and done situation. You might be doing damage control releases often, and that’s ok. You’ll be better off for it.
Permission To Grieve
Oof. This is a hard one. Give yourself permission to grieve the loss of the life you previously lived. Grieve the loss of who you used to be.
Your life will never be the same, and you, as a human, will never be the same.
Becoming a mother is the most beautiful gift, but it also changes a woman at the very core. If you are really struggling to embrace the new life and new you, it’s imperative you give yourself space to grieve the loss of the life you once had and woman you used to be.
Sprinkle Gratitude All Around
Gratitude goes a long way. Research shows that gratitude has the ability to change the brain and improve mental health.
How do you intentionally practice gratitude?
- Set an alarm on your phone a few times a day. Shift your brain back to gratitude when the alarm goes off. What are you grateful for in that moment? Where is the beauty in that moment? What can you see about your life in that moment that is beautiful, a gift?
- Write little notes of gratitude on post-its and hang them around your home in places you will see them.
- Keep a gratitude journal, and make it a daily practice to write 5-10 things you are grateful for every day.
- If you are struggling to find the good, start small. You can have gratitude for the birds, fresh air, pure water, coffee, etc.
Make Space For Joy
A sure-fire way to kick any yucky feelings to the curb is joy. Well, duh. We all want joy. As a mom swimming through the never-ending responsibilities of the day, how does one create joy?
What brings you joy? Find that thing, and make time for it every day, even if it’s just 10 minutes.
- Read a juice novel
- Watch a show you love
- Take a walk in nature with your little ones
- Plant flowers and let your kids help
- Do word search puzzles. I made 10 printable ones for you here
- Bake cookies
- Take a bath after the kids have gone to bed. I have 10 DIY bubble bath recipes here
- Put your favorite music on and have a wild dance party
Find your joy in a way that’s appropriate for where you are in your journey, and do that. Every day. Try new things. Hunt joy down, and hold onto it for dear life.
Practice Vulnerability
Vulnerability can be really hard when you feel like everyone around you is doing great and being mom-of-the-year.
When I first met one of my best mom friends, the first thing she said to me was, “This s**t is hard. Why didn’t anyone tell me this s**t was gonna be so hard??”
We were instant friends. I poured my heart out to her in my lowest moments. Without her, my mind would have gone to a very low and dark place.
Find just one person that you feel completely safe to let it all out. The good, the bad, the ugly. Vulnerability opens the door to connection and healing. I don’t even know how it works, but I know from experience that it does.
If you don’t have anyone to vent to, email me. I will be a listening ear, and I will validate your experience and feelings.
A Hug
I want to wrap this up with a hug. We all need more hugs. You’re doing a great job. Even if you don’t feel it, you are navigating the mental load of motherhood so well.
Motherhood is no joke. Just because 2.2 billion people are mom-ing every day doesn’t mean it’s easy. We just don’t talk about it a lot and initiate open conversations about how hard all of this is.
But I know. And I see you. You’re the absolute best mom for your precious babies, hand picked to nurture and love them. You can do this. You are not alone.
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