Are you two sleepless nights away from losing your mind? I feel you, sister. I was blessed with a wonderfully low sleep needs baby. Mama is tired! Somehow I’m still alive, and I’m here to pass on to you 7 ways to survive life with a wakeful baby.
Here’s what you’ll find in this practical guide:
- The Dumb Lies About Baby Sleep
- 7 Ways To Survive Life With A Wakeful Baby
- Your Baby Is Ok. You are Ok. It’s All Ok.
The Dumb Lies About Baby Sleep
When I had my sweet, sweet, very wakeful baby boy, I had no idea how my world was about to be shaken up. For about the first two weeks, he slept really well. Then everything changed. He must have realized he was no longer in mommy’s safe tummy. That was a sad day for both him and me. From that point on, sleep was a struggle.
It was around that time that I began googling myself into a state on insanity, trying to work out what was wrong with my baby or what I was doing wrong.
According to the google liars, my boy should have been regularly sleeping through the night by the time he was 3 months old or weighed 12-13 pounds. I’m still laughing and crying about that ridiculous lie.
Maybe all of the other babies do that, but if by chance, there is even just one other mom out there like me who didn’t experience that, I’m hoping my story and my breakdown of what really is typical will help that poor, exhausted mama feel better about her mom-ing abilities.
Night wakes are typical for the first few years of life. Yes, I said YEARS. We need to do some serious work to normalize this stuff because I am sure that there are other moms pulling out whatever remains of their postpartum hair in attempts to make their baby sleep through the night because that’s what babies are “supposed to do”, right?
Incorrect.
There are so many stupid lies circulating out there being touted as truth, and I’m on a mission to normalize the very real reality of many moms who have babies who don’t sleep well, don’t want to sleep train, and are just looking for some support on this hard, sleepless journey.
Ok, ok. So your baby isn’t sleeping through night and you’re exhausted, yet, in your heart, you know it’s all quite typical and you’re not ready to give up to the allure of the sleep training gods. So what do you do? How do mamas survive this roller coaster of baby sleep without traumatizing both ourselves and our babies?
I got you covered, mama.
7 Ways To Survive Life With A Wakeful Baby
Educate Yourself On Typical Baby Sleep Habits
In order to survive a wakeful baby, you must first understand that your baby’s habits are so very typical. I’m not going to use the word normal because that makes it seem like sleeping through the night is not normal. There is such a wide range of normal in the world of babies, so I don’t want anyone who has a baby who does something different from I discuss to feel like their baby is not normal.
Therefore, I’m choosing to use the word “typical” so no one feels like their baby is normal, abnormal, or anything in between. It’s ALL normal. Boy do I wish my baby was one of the great sleeping ones, but that wasn’t the hand I was dealt.
Typical baby sleep is anything but great. It’s also not linear. It doesn’t get consistently better and better. It goes up, down, sideways, forward, backwards.
The first year of sleep for us was a mess. Just when I thought we were doing pretty well, teething would hit, developmental milestones would hit. You name it. The littlest thing sent our nights into the toilet.
And really, I don’t know why I expected it to be different. Well, I do know why. The sleep training industry is working HARD to make moms believe that sleeping through the night is the goal, and if your baby isn’t doing it, there’s something wrong. It’s also important to note here that the sleep training industry is a $325 million dollar industry, so they have some ulterior motives to their narrative.
It’s your money. That’s the motive, in case you were wondering.
Thankfully, I discovered some resources that taught me more about typical baby sleep. And you’re in luck because I’m going to share the one resource that completely revolutionized my relationship with my baby’s horrible, yet typical habits.
The Possums Clinic, based in Australia (we were living in Australia at the time), changed my life. You can read all about typical baby sleep on their blog site here. You can thank me later. I do take donations. Just kidding.
But in all seriousness, it literally changed my entire mental outlook surrounding my baby’s sleep. I am forever thankful to the amazing people there and the work they are doing.
Educate Yourself On Baby Development and Milestones
Another crucial way to survive a wakeful baby is understanding what developmental milestones are coming so you are prepared for a few nights of crap sleep.
Babies change at warped speed during the first year of life. They are navigating teething, rolling, crawling, standing, walking, speaking, MASSIVE brain growth and on and on and on.
The first year is basically one massive milestone, and those milestone events can greatly impact sleep. One reason I didn’t buy into the whole sleep training stupidity was that I heard too many stories of parents who had to keep sleep training their baby after every developmental milestone.
Doesn’t that sound pleasant and healthy for the baby? Note sarcasm here.
Knowing what milestone you’re in and what is coming up can help you mentally prepare for and accept some possibly extra wakeful nights. Even after turning a year old, we experienced nights of hourly wakings because of teething, speech development and other milestone events.
Here is a useful guide from NHS which provides a teething timeline.
Practice Acceptance
The one thing that helped me survive a wakeful baby the most was the simple practice of accceptance.
My baby was (and still is) a human, not a robot. Expecting him to do what I wanted him to do because google told me he should be doing it was just silly. When I reached a place of acceptance and compassion for my baby instead of being annoyed and frustrated, my experience changed immensely.
When I was able to look at my baby and say, “Baby, I accept you as you are. I accept the fact that you have lower sleep needs than I’d like. I accept the fact that you need me to help you go back to sleep at night.” You get the idea.
When I reached a place of acceptance, my heart softened to my babies needs, and I was able to approach him in those very wakeful nights with more compassion and grace then when I had unrealistic expectations built up in my head of what he should or shouldn’t be doing.
Did acceptance mean I was no longer tired? No.
Did acceptance mean I never struggled again with the wakeful nights? No.
However, overall, it changed my attitude and helped me embrace the journey for what it was. Nothing more. Nothing less. I was able to feel more joy in the process, not just frustration and anger toward my baby.
Don’t Compare Your Baby To Other Babies
Comparison is the thief of joy.
I lost a lot of joy in those early months due to comparison. By constantly comparing my boy to the one random baby I read about that slept like an angel from the start, I quietly handed over a bowlful of joy to the social media gods.
I regret that. I regret allowing comparison to steal joy in those days.
This point is pretty straight forward. Don’t compare your baby to other babies. If you want to survive a wakeful baby, comparing that little human to any other human is only going to drive you crazy and create anger and bitterness toward your adorable, tiny baby.
Acknowledge that, yes, some babies do sleep very well, but that’s no indication of anything. That’s just the way it goes. That baby is no better or worse than your baby.
Don’t compare.
Read Sleep Training Forums To Keep Your Resolve
This section might be controversial, but I’m gonna put it in anyway because it’s really helped me on my journey.
In order to survive a wakeful baby and not fall victim to the sleep training gods, I signed up for a couple of sleep training forums on facebook. I didn’t sign up because I wanted to follow their advice but because I wanted to read about what sad, sad things they were putting their babies through.
I literally did this last week. We had a couple days of extremely wakeful nights, and I thought I was going to lose my mind. In those moments of desperation, I questioned why I never tried sleep training.
So to combat those thoughts, I signed up for a couple of sleep training forums and read through the heartbreaking, trauma inducing stories other parents shared concerning their sleep training journey.
I read about babies crying for so long and so hard that they started vomitting. And still, the parents were questioning whether it was ok to respond to their baby in those moments or if responding would mess up the sleep training results.
Wow.
Well, that just doesn’t sit well with me, and the thought of doing anything even remotely close to that to my sweet, SWEET baby boy just makes me feel sick to my stomach.
Those stories fueled my resolve to continue responding to him no matter what. He deserves that, and I’m willing to do that for him. Those stories made me hold him just a little bit closer. The thought of someone putting a child through that is just unfathomable, but provided me with the resolve to keep responding no matter what.
It’s Ok To Have Bad Mood Days
So you’ve educated yourself on typical baby sleep, you’ve done a deep dive into baby milestones and developmental stages, you’ve accepted your lot in life, and you’ve stopped comparing your baby to all other babies.
All is bliss, right??
Maybe not. You might still wake up after a horrible night’s sleep and feel rage and frustration. I may or may not still experience those feelings even after the year mark.
Honey, there’s no easy way to say this. IT’S HARD. This journey is hard.
If you have a bad day, it’s ok. There’s no judgment. My bad mood days are the days I reach out to some very trusted mama friends and vent till I’m blue in the face. That usually helps. Have some mom friends on speed dial for those days.
Understand That Things Won’t Always Be This Way
One of the most important pieces of advice I can give you that will help you survive a wakeful baby is the following:
Understand that things won’t always be this way.
Your baby will eventually sleep. You will eventually get sleep again. One night might be crap, and the next might be great. No two nights are the same. Your baby won’t always need you in such an intense capacity. You won’t always have to respond to them 1,000 times a night. They won’t always need you to help them go to sleep.
Nothing in the baby world stays the same for long. This too shall pass.
I 100% promise you that you will not regret responding to your baby. Ever. There will not be one day in the future where you think, “Gosh, I wish I would have just let him cry a bit more on his own.”
Please know that the work you are doing now is going to pay off in the future. Your baby will be so much more confident and secure, knowing that mommy and daddy will always be there to help when it’s needed.
I know it’s a hard work, but it’s worth it. You. Will. Not. Regret. It.
Your Baby Is Ok. You are Ok. It’s All Ok.
There’s really no quick fix to the mental and emotional challenges of being a mom. Often, we feel like we’re failing, we’re not good enough, we’re not doing things right, etc.
But I promise you. If you hear nothing else, hear the following:
Your baby is ok. You are ok. It’s all ok. It will all be ok.
You’re doing the most incredible job, and there is no better mother for your little one than you. You were hand picked to be the world to your baby, and you’re just perfect for them.
I’d love to hear about your challenges and victories on this insane journey. Please let me know in the comments if something in this article spoke to you or if you have other points to add. We are all learning from one another, and I want to learn from you, too.
Also, be sure to check out these other guides that might help you on your mama journey:
5 Reasons Maternal Instinct Is Dying
4 Simple Strategies That Cultivate Maternal Instinct
5 Magical Benefits Of Breastfeeding To Sleep
