4 Simple Strategies That Cultivate Maternal Instinct

Mama, it’s time to cultivate your maternal instinct!

Is it just me, or does it feel like following your mama instincts today is harder than ever? Do we even need to when we have the Internet telling us exactly what to do?

Um, yes. We do need it.

In fact, we need it more than ever. Maternal Instinct is way more powerful than Google, thank you very much!

By the end of this article, you’ll be well equipped with 4 simple strategies that will have you following your mom gut like a boss.

This is part 2 in a 2 part series. If you missed part 1, “5 Reasons Maternal Instinct Is Dying“, be sure to check it out.

Here’s what you’ll find in this mama gut guide:

Why We Need To Cultivate Maternal Instinct
5 Strategies That Cultivate Maternal Instinct
- Stay In Your Own Lane, Mama
Now That You’ve Cultivated Maternal Instinct, How Do You Keep It?

Why We Need To Cultivate Maternal Instinct

Imagine if a mama from the caveman era dropped in today and saw the way we were living and parenting. I’m sure they would raise an eyebrow or two. Of course, we are living in a very different environment, so it’s not so fair to compare modern mamas to caveman mamas.

However, in terms of following maternal instincts, I imagine those cave mamas were legit. Maternal instinct was all they had. They were probably always on high alert, and just focused on survival

Thankfully, we don’t live in the same extreme circumstances. At the same time, I find it a little sad that our comfortable lifestyles have kind of separated us from the necessity of following our instincts. Instead, we have handed over our gut instincts to Google.

Don’t get me wrong, we are extremely blessed to be living in a time where we have so much knowledge and information at our fingertips. We’re living longer and have more opportunities than ever before. At the same time, are we really better off today? Are we more connected, more in tune with ourselves and each other?

No. We’re not.

During my first year of motherhood, I over-analyzed and questioned just about every choice I made concerning my boy, Isaiah. There was just too much information competing with my own intuition. Most days, I felt like I was drowning in a sea of info that told me fifteen different things I should be doing.

For instance, I’ve been pretty vocal about Isaiah’s sleep. It’s not awesome. He’s almost a year old, and he still wakes up multiple times a night, which is totally normal, by the way.

According to most sites on the Internet, though, it’s not normal, and I need to fix things.

At first, I did believe there was something very wrong. Even though he had no signs or symptoms of a tongue tie, it was my #1 suspicion.

Everyone’s talking about tongue ties these days. Are they real? Yes. Does every baby have one? According the Internet, yes. According to my gut, no.

In those early days, however, I was convinced he had one and took him to multiple doctors to get him checked. He had no other symptoms besides waking often at night.

Eventually, I gave up trying to find a tongue tie and just got on with things.

That experience really taught me a valuable lesson. When Isaiah was first born, I had zero suspicions of a tongue tie. As I kept looking online, my fears grew, even though my gut told me he didn’t have one. After months of worrying and trying to find a tongue tie, I gave up and went back to my gut. My guy said he was ok.

We have got to cultivate and trust our maternal instinct, mamas. The Internet literally had me losing my mind because I gave my instincts over to the control of the Internet. I was looking for problems because Google said there must be a problem if he wasn’t sleeping through the night by a certain age. LIES.

Is it smart to get your baby checked to rule out any underlying issues? OF COURSE. Is it smart to keep taking them to doctor after doctor until someone finds a problem? If you suspect there is a real issue, yes. But if they’ve been checked, there’s no issue found, and your gut says it’s all ok, then you’re probably all right.

5 Strategies That Cultivate Maternal Instinct

Knowing that you’ve got to get back in touch with your mama gut and actually doing it are two different things. Let’s get to work.

Build Trust With Yourself And Your Baby

When you begin to cultivate maternal instinct, it’s much like the process of meeting a new friend. At first, you don’t know anything about that person, but as time passes and you spend time with your new acquaintance, you build history and trust.

I think there is an enormous amount of pressure for women to just float into motherhood and naturally put on their motherhood hat without any hesitation.

Maybe it’s not that easy. Perhaps some women find that to be the case, but maybe it’s more likely that most of us are learning to be mamas and learning how to follow our instincts.

When my little angel entered the world, the need for maternal instinct was pretty low. It began purely by loving my baby. At least, that’s how I viewed it, and that’s what I experienced. I didn’t need to have a great knowing of what would come. At first, we only needed love.

Sure, I had to feed him and keep him alive, but I didn’t need to know what every little cry meant. That kind of connection was cultivated over time, and that’s where the idea of building trust comes into play. As I learned my baby and my baby learned me, my maternal instinct grew.

The same will happen for you. Trust yourself. You are connected to your baby even if you don’t really feel it. Your baby trusts you, probably more than you trust yourself. As you learn their cries, respond, and see that you are, in fact, able to comfort them through your touch, love, voice, milk, whatever it is that calms them, trust in your instinct will grow.

Are you going to get it perfect every time? Heck no. No one does, but every time you respond to your baby and connect to them, your maternal instinct grows.

Talk To Seasoned Mamas

The whole idea of having a village to help us raise our babies is really romantic, right? Unfortunately, that was far from my reality and probably far from yours as well.

I imagine, long, long ago, the process of raising a baby was thrilling. Or at least I dream it was that way. Maybe I’m over-romanticizing things, but I imagine if I actually had that elusive village, I would have had a multitude of seasoned mamas gathered around me, championing me in my motherhood journey. They would guide me with their wisdom and experience while I, in turn, learned how to connect with my own instincts.

As I fall back down to reality, I am welcomed by the arms of the Internet, Instagram, TikTok, and Google. That’s not quite the village I was anticipating.

Alas, all is not lost! Surround yourself with some mamas! I was fortunate enough to have a couple of women in my life who were veteran mamas and available to answer questions, ease my anxieties, and guide me back to my gut instincts. Without them, I might be living in the looney bin by now.

Go find yourself a mama friend (one you trust!), latch on, and don’t let go. Learn from them. Ask questions. It’s ok to have a small village of one.

Find A Supportive Physician

Let’s talk physicians.

It’s probably pretty clear by now that I fall into the crunchy mom category. I co-slept, exclusively breastfed from day one, held my baby for every nap until he was 7 months, and never gave him a bottle once.

Unfortunately, not every physician is supportive of the crunchy lifestyle. I’ve read numerous accounts where mamas were told by their physician that they needed to do things in a way that went against what mama felt was right. Whether it was sleep training, night weaning, adding in formula, etc., they were told to do things that didn’t sit well with their maternal instinct.

That’s tricky. You want to trust your physician, right? I’m not saying to not trust your physician, but I am telling you to shop around a little bit until you find one that fits your parenting style. They do exist.

I had a physician in the newborn days that fully supported and encouraged my personal convictions about how I wanted to parent Isaiah. On the flip side, I’ve been to physicians who told me that Isaiah was feeding too often during the day, he should be down to just one night feed by now, and other things that I just didn’t buy into.

I ran away from those physicians. They probably meant well, and there was nothing wrong with them telling me those things, but it made me feel like I was doing something wrong, and I didn’t agree with them. Who says it’s not ok to wake up and night feed after a certain age?

I’ve stuck to my amazing physician for now even though it means we have virtual appointments because she’s located in the city we last lived in. You do what you gotta do, right?

Stay In Your Own Lane, Mama

Every mama is different, and it’s a good thing because every baby is different. If we were all the same, life would be so boring.

You were hand picked for your little one because you have exactly what it takes to raise your baby well and give them exactly what they need. The mom on Instagram probably doesn’t know what your baby needs. She might have some helpful suggestions and experiences, but, at the end of the day, you are the only one who knows what’s best for your baby.

Think of it like this: your own maternal instinct is geared for your own babies, so don’t pay too much attention to what other moms are doing for their kids. Their maternal instinct is guiding them in a different way, and that’s ok.

If you stay in your own lane by not comparing your journey to the other moms, you’ll be 100% more sane at the end of the day. Mom comparison is a real quick way to smother your own intuition. In fact, I believe it’s so harmful that I wrote a guide to help you beat that toxic mom comparison stuff. Check it out here.

Your journey is your journey, and your maternal instinct is guiding you not the mom down the road. Don’t forget it.

Now That You’ve Cultivated Maternal Instinct, How Do You Keep It?

And just like that, you’ve learned how to cultivate your maternal instinct!

Easy peasy, right?

Well, maybe not, but if you implement the tools above and really believe that you truly do have mama gut instinct, you’ll gain more confidence every day.

Maternal instinct is something you can practice and continue to build. It’s also really easy to allow your instinct to become buried underneath all of the outside noise, so be mindful of that.

In order to maintain a strong connection with my mama instincts, I often take moments where I shut out all of the outside noise and influence, calm my mind, and ponder my current motherhood experience. Do I feel good about the choices I’m making? Am I connecting well with Isaiah? Do I feel like a powerful mama, or have I given too much room to the outside voices?

It doesn’t take long to reconnect to that inner voice. What’s most important in the process is maintaining confidence in the choices you are making for you and your baby. You are always the expert when it comes to your baby.

Whenever you feel like you are losing grip of your mama instincts, come back to this article and remind yourself of the simple methods you can implement to get it back. You are powerful, mama! I’m proud of the work you are doing.