6 Compelling Reasons To Hold Your Baby MORE

Research says that holding your baby more is one of the best things you can do for their development, yet there remains an archaic school of thought that says you will spoil or ruin a baby if you hold them too much.

I’m sorry, what? Spoiling a baby? By holding them? Right, just like you shouldn’t let your partner hug you too much because we wouldn’t want you spoiling yourself? It makes zero sense.

I highly doubt my newborn was even cognitively aware enough to understand the concept of manipulation through crying.

But here we are, fighting for permission to hold our babies endlessly without judgment. Let’s get to it.

Here’s what you’ll find in this snuggly article:

• Spoiling Your Baby: Origins Of The Myth
• Hold Your Baby MORE, Mama
  • 1. The Frederick’s Experiment
  • 2. Hard Lessons From Romanian Orphanages
  • 3. Lessons From The Monkeys
  • 4. Holding Baby Nurtures Attachment
  • 5. Baby Is Calmer When Held
  • 6. Holding Baby Fosters Healthy Development
  • 7. Creates Core Memories For Mama

Spoiling Your Baby: Origins Of The Myth

Where did the insane belief of spoiling a baby by holding them too much even come from?

Time for a little history lesson.

We’re gonna have to go back a few years. Way back, actually, to 1912 when William Howard Taft was President. He signed the act of 1912 which provided funding for the United States Children’s Bureau. The bureau had a keen interest in investigating the alarmingly high rate of infant mortality and took it upon themselves to educate mothers on how to best care for babies.

In 1914, they released a pamphlet entitled “Infant Care” which became somewhat of a baby Bible. Word has it that up to 56 million copies have been distributed since its release, making it one of the best selling books of all time. I imagine there was a lot of fear surrounding infant mortality, so mothers probably closely followed the advice given in the pamphlet.

Infant Care gave a lot of crazy instruction which I should write a different article on because it’s just insane what mothers were told to do.

However, for the purposes of this guide, the most relevant piece of advice was in regard to baby holding. Mothers were warned against picking up their baby too much, as even a newborn was creating habits from the first day of life. According to the pamphlet, if you picked up your baby every time they cried, you were teaching them that they could control you through their crying.

There was zero research to back these statements, yet they formed core beliefs that have been passed down through generations and are still tightly held by some today. Thanks a lot, Children’s Bureau. You created a monster.

If you’re feeling up to a lengthy but intriguing read, you can check out a pdf of the pamphlet here.

Hold Your Baby MORE, Mama

1. The Frederick’s Experiment

The people who wrote the Infant Care book obviously had never heard about what I’m going to share with you next. Brace yourself. It’s alarming, to say the least.

Time for more history.

Back in the 13th century, there lived a dude named Frederick II. He was the king of Germany and had a great interest in science. According to a monk who knew Frederick II, the German king carried out unthinkable experiments in the name of science, often using infants in his studies.

He had a particular interest in the origins of language and was keen to unravel the secrets of the original “Garden of Eden” human language. It’s actually a really interesting topic, but the way he went about researching it was completely inhumane.

He took a group of infants and put them in the care of some nurses who were instructed to not touch or speak to the infants. The nurses could only feed and bathe the infants. Holding, comforting, loving and any other form of soothing was forbidden. Frederick II wanted to see what language the infants would end up speaking as they grew older.

The experiment took a devastating turn. All of the infants died.

The cause of death was “failure to thrive”. While Frederick II failed to discover the original human language, he did make another discovery: babies who don’t receive contact and love simply cannot sustain life.

Hold your baby MORE, mama.

2. Hard Lessons From Romanian Orphanages

I’m officially your history teacher now.

While this topic is far from glitter and sunshine, if we ignore the facts, we won’t learn anything. So while it’s not so fun to talk about heartbreaking things, we’ve got to do it.

I promise you, you’ll be holding your baby a little tighter by the end of this. Here we go.

In the 1960s and 1970s, the Romanian communist ruler banned birth control and almost all abortion. He even taxed families without children. Due to his rulings, families often had too many children and could not adequately care for them. There was a crazy high number of orphans, so many facilities converted into government care institutions for infants and children.

The conditions were horrendous in most facilities, offering only the most basic care. Caring for 1,000’s of abandoned infants became a factory production line of continual feedings and diaper changes. There was no time for love and comfort.

Children in the facilities were often found naked, hungry, physically or sexually abused, sick, restrained to their bed or crib with a bottle fastened to their mouth, ect. I could only fathom what those children went through.

The world remained unaware of the dire situation until December 1989 when the Romanian Revolution occurred. Scientist quickly began studying the physical, mental, and emotional effects of such an upbringing. What they found was heartbreaking.

MRI scans showed less brain matter in children from these facilities. Their brains were literally smaller in size! Most children had severe delays in physical and mental development, and because they had little to no human contact, it was nearly impossible for them to form attachments in any relationship when they became adults.

The studies are mind blowing and definitely worth the time to check out in depth. You can read a bit more about things here. If you have time for a longer read, this is the story of a boy raised in one of the Romanian orphanages and adopted by an American family. Be sure to have some Kleenex handy.

Yes, those orphaned babies lacked many things apart from physical touch, but the research clearly shows that plentiful human contact, love, and comfort are absolutely crucial for infant survival and ability to thrive.

Again, I give you permission to hold your baby MORE. Hold them all day, every day if you want to. It’s never too much.

3. Lessons From The Monkeys

Last history lesson of the day, I promise.

In the 1950s, scientist Harry Harlow was keen to learn more about attachment between mama and baby. He wanted to know if there was a difference between a baby who’s care giver met their basic needs as well as providing physical comfort and a baby who’s care giver met only basic needs without providing physical comfort. He looked to the monkeys to provide some answers.

Although his practices are controversial and deemed unethical today, his findings are extremely valuable.

Harrow took a number of monkeys and separated them from their mothers at birth. He separated the large group of baby monkeys into two groups and placed each smaller group into a room. Each room held two structures that stood as surrogate monkey mamas for the babies. One structure was made of metal and wood while the other was a soft structure covered in foam rubber and terry cloth.

In one room, the metal surrogate had a milk bottle attached, and the foam surrogate had no bottle. The other room presented the opposite scenario: metal surrogate without a bottle while the foam surrogate had the milk bottle.

His findings were incredible. Among other things, he discovered both groups of monkeys overwhelmingly preferred the comfort of the foam surrogate. The group of monkeys placed with the metal, bottle holding surrogate used the metal surrogate purely to drink milk before returning to the foam surrogate for comfort. In the other room, the baby monkeys rarely approached the metal surrogate and, instead, preferred the foam surrogate for both feedings and comfort.

In both scenarios, the baby monkeys looked to the foam surrogate when there were uncertain or scary conditions in the room. It’s very clear that the monkeys were starved for the comfort of a loving mama and were desperate to experience physical comfort from the foam surrogates.

The most important lesson here is that physical touch and comfort are just as crucial as the basic needs of food and water.

Harrow’s work continues to be the basis of current beliefs concerning healthy attachment and the relationship between a mama’s touch and her baby’s ability to thrive.

You know what I’m going to tell you. “Hold your baby MORE!”

4. Holding Baby Nurtures Attachment

Moving on from history lessons!

I have been the main care giver since my baby, Isaiah, was born. He definitely has the strongest attachment to me. He is much more independent now and able to remain calm when he’s with someone else for longer periods of time, but it wasn’t always that way.

In the earlier days, I normally could not be apart from him for longer than 30 minutes before he started crying for me. My husband tried to relieve me so I could escape to the gym for a quick soak in the hot tub, but, without fail, he’d text me within 20-30 minutes because Isaiah was having a meltdown. Once I returned home and swooped Isaiah up into my arms, he would instantly stop crying.

I consistently responded to his needs and, little by little, I have been able to increase my time away. We are now almost at the one-year mark, and I can go out for a couple of hours without Isaiah even batting an eye (most of the time).

I believe his independence came as a result of consistently responding to him when he was in distress and not pushing him too far past his comfort levels.

If I bought into the whole “don’t hold your baby too much” garbage, I might still be rushing home to a screaming baby after 30 minutes away. Who knows?

Yet another excuse to hold your baby more. You’re welcome.

5. Baby Is Calmer When Held

My own experience taught me that babies are much calmer when they are being held. I held Isaiah a lot when he was very young.

Now that he is getting older, he’s able to show me more of what he needs and wants. When he’s crying or distressed, he always toddles over to me, puts his arms up, and requests to be held. When I pick him up, it’s like a baby sedative. More often than not, he is quickly soothed by my arms. Incredible, right?

A additional helpful note: if your baby is crying and you need to calm them, add some movement while you are holding your baby. A recent study in Japan discovered that holding a crying baby in your arms while also walking calmed the baby down within 5 minutes. I’ll take that!

6. Holding Baby Fosters Healthy Development

We have so much research today that clearly shows the myriad of benefits babies receive when they are in your arms.

The following cuddle benefits will surely encourage you to hold your baby a little longer :

• Helps reduce cortisol stress levels and aids in future ability to self regulate
• Influences brain development related to social/emotional skills
• Releases oxytocin which magically calms baby
• Can provide pain relief
• Reduces anxiety
• Stimulates brain to release growth hormones
• Regulates metabolism and healthy weight gain
• Encourages cognitive development
• Can improve immune system
• Improves sleep
• Aids in healthy attachment

There are literally zero downsides to holding your baby for hours on end. Well, apart from tired arms for you.

For whatever reason, some babies also seem to have a higher need for comfort and contact. My baby did not want to leave my arms. Ever. During the first few months of his life, he was glued to me, and it actually was pretty exhausting as he wouldn’t even nap apart from me. Learn more about that here.

As I’ve continued to learn more about all of the crazy good benefits of holding a baby, I look back on the hard days when I felt so exhausted and am thankful I put the effort in to hold him all day long. His tiny body soaked up all of the contact, and he’ll be much better off for it.

7. Creates Core Memories For Mama

I have a stockpile of specific memories from the first year of motherhood that are engrained in my heart. Most of them are so simple and involved just me and my bub, sitting together in absolute bliss. It was those pure moments where I felt like my heart was going to explode with love.

I co-slept with my baby and also held him most of the day. Let me tell you, those morning snuggles and daytime cuddles were intoxicating. Even though I was often so sleep deprived, I regret nothing. What I wouldn’t give to have those moments bottled up in liquid form for eternity. I truly believe we need contact with our babies just as much as they need it with us.

Hold your baby more, mama. They won’t fit in your arms forever.