Hi, mama. Let’s talk contact naps. Are they good? Bad? Creating a dependent baby monster? Fostering independence? Or will you be contact napping until they are 25-years old? I’m joking. Or am I? Who knows?
For whatever reasons you have been facilitating contact naps, I’m here to tell you that what you’re doing is actually very good for both you and your peanut. There’s a lot of junk info on the web that can make you second guess your parenting choices, but delete those voices and hone in on the ones that are celebrating your choices to respond to the needs of your baby. You’re doing a good thing!
Here’s what you’ll find in this guide:
- First, A Shout Out To Mamas Who Actually Want To Contact Nap But Can’t
- Why Do Babies Prefer Contact Naps
- 7 Reasons To Embrace The Contact Nap
- It Really Won’t Last Forever. I Promise
First, A Shout Out To Mamas Who Actually Want To Contact Nap But Can’t
Before getting into any of this, I would like to acknowledge the fact that even having the opportunity to complain about endless contact napping is really a luxury. I was fortunate enough to be a stay-at-home mom and didn’t have the pressure to return to work immediately. I know there are many women who don’t share that same reality and have to return to work asap. Accordingly, some moms might be forced to work out how to make their baby sleep independently very early on.
It is so heartbreaking and maddening that there is not more post natal support for mothers, specifically in America. I have lived in Europe, Asia, and Australia, and all of those places offer a more extensive post natal support network. America is horribly behind the times when it comes to maternity leave, maternity pay, etc. I’ll leave that topic for another time because it’s loaded and makes me really angry.
My heart breaks for the mama who dreams to be contact napping with her baby for months on end. It truly was a gift to have that space…even though I complained a lot at the time.
Why Do Babies Prefer Contact Naps?
It seems like common sense to me that babies would prefer to be held rather than put in a crib or bassinet. However, in the newborn days, my common sense, along with sleep, went down the toilet. I’m embarrassed to admit that I experienced feelings of frustration when my baby refused to sleep unless he was in my arms.
How could I get frustrated with a baby? Well, quite easily, actually. In fact, I’d venture to guess I’m not the only mom who has experienced that.
At first, the contact naps were so sweet, like intoxicating ooey-gooey baby magic. After a few months, though, that feeling kind of dwindled, and I thought, “When the FRICK is this baby going to give my arms a break???” I was tired. Really tired.
No matter how much I tried to reason with Isaiah, he wouldn’t budge. I tried placing him in his crib drowsy but awake (which, btw, is a complete load of BS advice). He would scream. I tried feeding him to sleep before placing him in the crib. His eyes would pop open as soon as his little head hit the mattress and he’d start screaming. It was my arms or nothing, so I kept holding him.
While “napping him”, as I’ve termed it, I had a lot of time to poke around the Internet to find out why my baby was boycotting crib naps. I found some interesting facts, but the most shocking thing I discovered is that babies don’t even know they are a separate being until they are about 6-7 months old. WOW!
That revelation gave me a completely different perspective of my seemingly very needy baby. Well, duh, of course he wanted to be in my arms all the time. He thought my arms were his own body!
What does that even mean?? Can you imagine having a partner and not knowing that you and your partner are separate beings? Then imagine your partner disappearing suddenly, and you don’t know where they’ve gone or if they are ever coming back! How terrified and confused you would feel. I imagine that experience must be 10 times more extreme for babies.
For whatever reason, my Isaiah took his sweet time developing independent napping skills. He just loved those mommy snuggles too much to let them go.
I’ve also heard not all babies require to be held 24/7 like mine did, but Isaiah was clingy from day one. In fact, I’ve recently learned he fits the supposed definition of a “clingy” baby. If you’ve also got a baby that won’t leave your side EVER, you can pick up some survival tips here. I’ve learned a lot from my boy
Babies want to contact nap because they want to be close to the only world they’ve known. Your arms are their safe place. Cue the weeping tears as I write this because we are no longer contact napping over here, and I actually miss it.
7 Reasons To Embrace The Contact Nap
Science Says It’s Good, Like REALLY Good
By the time your baby is born, they know you, mama. They know your voice, your heartbeat, your scent. How wild is that?! You are the single most important person in their entire life. In fact, you’re all they’ve ever known in this world. When you hold, cuddle, and snuggle your little bean, you are wrapping them in love and protection, as well as releasing all kinds of positive hormones for both them and you.
Mama and baby experience an increase of oxytocin through those magical snuggles. Oxytocin is also known as one of the “happy hormones”. Need more happy? Pass the baby!
Here are a few more positive benefits for your little one:
- Regulates baby’s heartbeat
- Regulates baby’s breathing
- Regulates baby’s nervous system (yay for calm babies!)
- Increases release of hormones that contribute to brain growth
- Regulates baby’s body temperature
What incredible benefits for your baby! Mama also gets some good stuff. Along with the rush of oxytocin, studies show that daily skin-to-skin contact can reduce stress hormones and also reduce post natal depression symptoms. Yes, please, to all of those things.
Facilitates Future Independence
I held my baby for the first 7 months of his life. Was I crazy? Maybe, but there was no way I was going to commit to sleep training, nap training, and all that crap. That just wasn’t a good fit for us.
Unfortunately, the Internet didn’t really applaud me for my choices. Most of the stuff I read online gave me the idea that if I didn’t intervene and train him to nap on his own, it was going to be a major problem down the road.
Guess what?
It wasn’t a problem.
In fact, at the 7 month mark, he started napping independently without any training on my part.
SHOCKING. I think I just heard a professional sleep trainer fall over.
One day, I noticed he was acting differently when it was time to nap. It was normal for him to fall asleep within 5-10 minutes while being fed and held. But one day, he started getting squirmy and wasn’t falling asleep as quickly. He just didn’t seem comfortable.
This lasted for a couple of days, so I decided to try something different. I laid on my side, put him beside me on the bed, latched him on the boob, and BOOM, he fell asleep within minutes. I tip-toed out of the room, certain he would wake up in 2 minutes. But he didn’t!
That was the start of his independent naps. Literally, from one day to the next, he transitioned. Just like that, he was done. I was stunned.
Here’s my theory: dependence facilitates independence. When babies feel safe and secure, they will pursue independence. It’s not my job to force my baby to be more independent. It’s my responsibility to create a safe platform for him to grow from. When he’s good and ready, he’ll be running away from me. I am certain of that.
My experience would be a great case study. I thought I would be holding Isaiah for naps for all of eternity. Then, one day, seemingly out of the blue, he stopped. He felt safe enough to be away from my arms.
Baby Generally Sleeps Longer And More Soundly
Babies definitely usually sleep better and longer when they are in your arms. However, I do have a disclaimer to make here. It’s also common for babies to go through catnap phases even while being held for naps. So while there is a great chance contact naps will improve nap length and quality, it doesn’t mean you won’t experience a catnap phase.
Isaiah had a pretty long catnap period. At one point, he was doing 4 thirty-minute naps every day. It was not a fun stage. Eventually, he did advance from catnaps and started getting longer stretches, but I can’t give an exact timeframe because my brain is mush when it comes to remembering anything concerning those first few months. It might have been a month of catnaps. Or three?
The only thing I do remember is the fact that the naps did get better and he would sleep so soundly in my arms when we reached a certain age. So, overall, I know it’s true that babies tend to sleep longer and more soundly when they are in your arms, but there’s always a curveball. Nothing is absolute.
Baby Snuggles Are Literally Rainbows And Sunshine
This is no exaggeration. Go ahead. Try it. Go find a baby. Snuggle that baby, and watch as rainbows and sunshine literally explode from your body.
Ok, I’m exaggerating, but at what other time in your life do you have the opportunity to snuggle a human so tiny they basically disappear in your embrace? A puppy or kitten are the closest creatures I’ve found that come slightly close to creating the same feeling, but nothing compares to the magic of holding a baby.
Before you know it, your baby will be crawling, standing, walking, and doing everything to get away from you. The snuggle-fest won’t last forever, and while I know the seemingly endless contact naps can feel excruciatingly draining, I challenge you to work on your perspective. Everything in the baby world has an expiration date.
I’m saying this to myself, too, because it’s not always easy to embrace every moment with my little one. It’s a challenge for me, too.
Mama Gets To Sit In Silence
Most days, the downtime I had was limited only to Isaiah’s nap times. At first, I complained that I didn’t ever have free time to get anything done. Essentially, I wanted to use his nap time to do chores, cook, get things done. And rightfully so. I’m human. I like to get things done. Holding a baby for hours on end didn’t really give me a sense of accomplishment.
Looking back, I see that if I would have used nap time to do household chores, I would have had zero time to just rest. Let me tell you, I needed that rest. In fact, I needed more of it, but at least I had those nap times. Once I switched my brain to accept what was happening, I was able to actually enjoy the down time.
You Will Get Really Strong Arms (Don’t Laugh, It’s True)
Holding a baby for long periods of time is like a workout without even trying. I’ve never really had very strong, non-wobbly arms. One day, as I was drying my hair, I noticed my triceps were no longer waving back at me.
I did a double take. A triple take. Could it be so?? My arms were solid. I wasn’t doing any specific arm exercises at that time, so the only way they could have gotten so firm was through hours of baby holding. I’ll take that bonus!
Arm flap update: It’s been a few months since contact naps ended and the flap is back. It was nice while it lasted.
Your Future Self Will Never Regret Doing It
As someone who did 7 months of contact naps, I can honestly tell you that I have zero regrets about the hours I spent being “nap trapped”. Truly. I regret nothing.
There is never ever a time where I think, “Gosh, if only I would have held him a little less. I really regret holding him for those naps.” Nope. I am sooooo thankful I did it. He needed me in that way, and I gave him all of me. Maybe I needed it, too?
Don’t get me wrong, I do love nap time these days. I really appreciate having space now to do things I love, but when I look back on the early months of nap jail, I only remember the sweetness of those days. In fact, I wish I would have held him even more, although, I pretty much held or had contact with him 24/7 so that’s not possible.
It Really Won’t Last Forever. I Promise
Ironically, I’m writing this in a cafe while Isaiah naps in his stroller. I never thought this would be my reality. But here we are, living proof that miracles do happen.
Now that we’re passed it, it feels like the contact naps ended just as quickly as they began. Most phases in the baby world are like that. When you think you’ve figured things out or got the hang of it, it all changes.
Here’s an ironic thing only a mom will understand: sometimes, when he’s napping in the other room, I look at photos of my nap trapped self, and I cry. I miss those sweet times. Ugh. What a mess I am. I blame the hormones.
Take heart, mama. Things will change for you, too. Soak it up. Soon, you’ll be missing the very things you’re currently complaining about.
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