I didn’t sleep train my son. Scandalous, I know. I’m a rebel. This is the story of a mom who went against the grain, chose to ignore mainstream baby sleep advice, and followed her mama gut instead.
Is he sleeping through the night or does he still wake up multiple times a night?? I know you’re dying to know, so let’s get straight to it.
- The First Week
- Four Month Sleep Regression
- The First Year
- The Second Year
- Where Are We Now?
- Where Do We Go From Here?
The First Week
Before mom life, I just assumed that babies slept. I was 100% clueless about the wild night life of little humans. How naive I was! I quickly learned the real truth about baby sleep.
After my son was born, I bought into the lie that babies should be sleeping through the night, and if they weren’t, you need to make that happen.
“Babies need to be taught to sleep. It is a learned skill. You are doing them a favor by giving them the gift of sleep.”
That’s what the so-called sleep experts said. As a new mom, why would I question the advice of the experts? Surely they knew what they were talking about. Right?
Well, after the experience I’ve had, I’m not so sure those supposed experts do know what they are talking about.
In the very first week of my son’s life, it was clear that he desired one thing and one thing only: MAMA. He wanted to be on me 24/7. I mean that in the literal sense. If he wasn’t on me, he was not happy.
Rightfully so. Babies don’t even know they are separate beings from mama until they are 6-9 months old. He didn’t know he was a separate human! Every sense of security, grounding, and life came from me. Why would I expect him to be cool with spending hours and hours away from me in a pitch black room? Nonsense.
He wanted to be on me, but I knew I wasn’t supposed to sleep with him. The Internet made that very clear. But the truth was that he just didn’t sleep well away from me, and I was so exhausted I thought I was going to pass out. Leaving my baby to cry in a dark room on his own felt like the most heartless, biologically cruel thing I could possibly do to this adorable little person.
So we co-slept from the start. We were both getting decent sleep, and we were both happy.
Oh, I also nursed him to sleep which is another BIG no-no in the new mama world. What can I say? I’m a true rebel at heart. He just fell asleep so quickly and easily on the boob. Why wouldn’t I do it??
Of course, I didn’t tell anyone I was nursing my baby to sleep and co-sleeping. I’m a rebel, but I’m not insane.
Four Month Sleep Regression
Things went pretty well for the first four months.
I continued nursing my bub to sleep and co-sleeping. Thankfully, I got my hands on the Safe Sleep 7, a set of safe co-sleeping guidelines, and ensured I was co-sleeping in a safe way.
Things were going smoothly. Until they weren’t. Hello Four Month Sleep Regression.
At that point, he began waking up hourly, sometimes every 30 minutes. Things got crazy. I was so sleep deprived, I thought I was going to die.
One night, in a moment of desperation, I bought an online sleep training course. I tried to put him down drowsy but awake once, he started screaming, and I ran to him, smothered him in kisses and promised I would never do that to him again. Thankfully, I was able to get a full refund for the training program.
During this time, I did a lot of research on baby development, found social media accounts that aligned with my beliefs in co-sleeping and not sleep training, and solidified my why. Ultimately, sleep training just didn’t sit well with me and made my stomach churn. I knew there had a to be a different way.
Oh, by the way, we did get through that sleep regression. But don’t worry, there’s always another regression right around the corner, or they are teething, or they are going through a developmental growth spurt. There’s always something, which only furthered my resolve to commit to always being there for my son when he needed me, even at night. Why would I leave him at his most needy and vulnerable times of development?
The First Year
We co-sept and nursed to sleep for the first year. There were many ups and downs. Like I said before, there was always something going on, some kind of change he was going through.
We had good chunks of sleep. And by good, I mean he would only wake up 3-5 times a night.
We had hard chunks where he woke up countless times.
Somehow, I guess my body got used to it. Or maybe my brain shut down, and I was able to run purely on caffeine and sunshine.
It seems that once I accepted what was before me, I didn’t feel as tired. Yes, there were times I did feel exhausted, but overall, I somehow adapted to the wild sleep patterns.
Most importantly, I held onto my why and continued to follow social media accounts that celebrated biologically normal parenting practices and attachment parenting. For whatever reason, my son still needed me at night, and I was ok with that. I was able to give him that gift.
We got rid of our crib in the first year, finally accepting the fact that our child was never ever going to use that thing. He didn’t sleep in that crib one time. Such a waste of money.
The biggest change in sleep during that first year came at the 8 month mark. It was a game changer. I held my son for every nap for the first 8 months of his life. He just didn’t nap well if he wasn’t on me. One week, he was suddenly able to nap independently. Poof. Just like that, he was secure enough to nap on his own, no nap training required. Hmmmm imagine that.
To be honest, my heart broke a little. My boy was growing.
That shift assured me that he was growing and adapting at his own speed. His sleep was changing, and I knew it would continue to change.
The Second Year
The second year of his life was a great improvement from the first. While he never slept through the night, he wasn’t waking up more than I could handle.
For the most part.
Of course there were seasons of teething, sickness, physical growth. Again, they are growing so rapidly in the first few years of life. There’s a lot going on in that little body, a lot of discomfort.
As his mama, I embraced the journey and saw it as an honor to comfort and cuddle him in the middle of the night when he needed me.
We co-slept on a floor bed and nursed to sleep his second year of life.
Where Are We Now?
My son is now 2 1/2. SURELY he is sleeping through the night by now?
Guess what?? He IS!!! We still co-sleep on a floor bed and nurse to sleep, but he sleeps through.
One night, when he was about 2 years 4 months, we went to sleep, and when we woke up, it was morning!!!!!! I was so stunned I just about passed out. I also thought it was a fluke and was prepared for extra wake-ups the following night.
The wake-ups didn’t happen. He slept through the night again.
He slept through the night for a week straight. Then he started getting his bottom molars in. The wake-ups were back. That was nice while it lasted. That’s what I thought.
When the teething ended, he slept through the night again, and he’s been doing so since…minus the random night here and there.
Guys. You have to understand that this is nothing short of a miracle in my world. I had resolved in my heart that he would likely be waking up multiple times a night until he was ready to graduate high school. At least that’s what main stream parenting advice led me to believe. It’s as if they want you to think there is something wrong with your child if they aren’t sleeping through the night from day one, when, in fact, it is SO NORMAL and actually a safety mechanism.
I guess if we all accept biologically normal sleep behaviors from our babies, the sleep training industry wouldn’t be the $325 Million Industry it is.
Where Do We Go From Here?
So what’s the point of all of this? Do I think moms who sleep train are bad moms?
No. Not at all.
While I think that sleep training is not best for babies, that doesn’t make moms bad for doing it.
While I didn’t feel right about sleep training, I seriously questioned whether my son would ever ever sleep through the night unless I sleep trained him.
He did. He did sleep through the night. In his own time, he did it.
Every child is different and has different needs. My son needed me to help him go back to sleep for 2 years and 4 months of his life. And he still needed me here and there after he started sleeping through.
I write my experience here for the moms who don’t feel good about sleep training but are also infiltrated with the dumb lies from society that they have to sleep train or their babies will never sleep through the night. IT’S ALL LIES!!! Sleep trainers prey on sleep deprived, vulnerable parents and sell the promise of sleep…at the expense of the baby.
I can’t tell you exactly when your child will sleep through the night. It might be sooner than mine. It might be later.
What I can tell you is that you are giving your child the MOST incredible gifts you can give them.
Safety
Security
Comfort
I guarantee that when you are old, you will look back and have zero regrets about the fact that you chose to make yourself available to your children in the nighttime hours. In fact, you’ll miss those night time cuddle and comfort sessions.
If you’re a new mom, smack in the middle of the newborn sleepless mayhem, take heart. I was once in your shoes, and now I’m on the other side. Soon, you will be, too.
It will happen for you.
This, too, shall pass.
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